Thursday, August 21, 2008

Review: If These Boobs Could Talk

My mom gave me this book as a gift when I was on maternity leave. I had only been nursing for a of couple weeks so I didn't have a ton of experience. I still thought the book was funny, but I couldn't quite relate. Well, after almost 6 months of breastfeeding, this book has become one of my favorite resources for a good laugh. And trust me, when it comes to breastfeeding, you need a good laugh every once and a while :-) I think the cover does an excellent job of illustrating my latest breastfeeding issue....TEETH! The book has a number of hilarious illustrations, like the pages on "Bad Times to Breastfeed" and "Ways to Multitask While Breastfeeding". The pictures are too funny to describe so I will just let you look at the book for yourself. But since this is a review, I will list some of the most valuable information I learned from this book.

Important words to add to my vocabulary:
Bloppy: The post-pregnancy fat that makes you fell like you are wearing a Boppy around your waist, even when you're not.
Nip Nap: When you fall asleep nursing, exposing your nipple to the world.
Breast Plump: The glory days when your waist goes back to normal, but you still have lovely full boobs.
* The book has many more awesome vocabs words..these were just my favorite :-)

What to do if you are leaking:
* Hum or sing the theme to Titanic
*If you are holding a beverage, subtly pour it on your shirt so you're wet all over and everything blends in.
* Be productive--discretely use your milk to water the nearest wilted plant.
* If your milk starts to pour out with fire-hose-like intensity, try to remove paint chips or stubborn debris on your house. At this point, it's all about multitasking.

You know it's time to stop breastfeeding when your child:
* Text messages you to tell you he's hungry
* Mixes your milk with a shot of espresso
* Knows how to repair your broken pump
* Comes home from college needing more bags of frozen milk
*Only wants to nurse during halftime so he won't miss any important plays

And...the most helpful section of the book...since Addie and I STILL have this problem

How to encourage your baby to take a bottle:
1) Dim the lights
2) Turn on soothing music
3) Snuggle up to baby
4) Softly say, "Here comes the bottle."
5) Gently touch bottle nipple to baby's lower lip
6) Watch as baby's face scrunches into horrified expression
7) Flinch as baby violently swats bottle to the floor
8) Sigh a deep sigh
9) Bend down and pick up bottle
10) Begin at step one again. Repeat roughly 1,192 times, until one day--for no particular reason whatsoever--baby decides to accept bottle.

If you are a breastfeeding mom or a mom that at least gave it a shot for a while...this book is hilarious!! I also think it makes a great gift, especially for mom's who fully understand what a challenging and rewarding experience breastfeeding can be :-) Enjoy!

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