Thursday, July 30, 2009

5 Pregnancy Questions That Blow my Mind

Now that my belly is becoming noticeable to people, I am starting to get asked the inevitable pregnancy questions like, "When are you due?" and "Are you having a boy or a girl?".  I love getting asked these questions because I could talk about pregnancy all day long. But what I have come to realize during both of my pregnancies is that some women are pretty damn ballsy. There are certain questions I get asked that just blow my mind. And I am not alone. Many pregnant ladies have told me that they get asked the same things. I am sure I have been guilty of asking some of these questions too, but only to my closest friends/family and only when I know that I am not going to offend someone. But some of these questions I am going to list have been asked by random strangers! And that...my friends...is the most mind blowing part of all. So here they are, in no particular order...

1. "Wow...you are so big! How much weight have you gained?"

My mom always tells me that being referred to as "big" while you are pregnant is a compliment because pregnant ladies should be big. It means you are carrying a healthy baby. And while I can accept that part of the question, asking me how much weight I have gained isn't always appropriate in my opinion. Now, I will gladly share this information because seriously...who cares. But it still shocks me that some women will come right out and ask you this! I was asked this question by a random co-worker (whom I hardly knew) during my first pregnancy.

2. "Why would you want to ruin the surprise and find out the sex of your baby?"

You know...I give props to all those mommies and daddies out there that want to keep their baby's sex a surprise. I have had several friends and family members decide to do this and they said they wouldn't have changed the experience for the world. I, on the other hand, don't have that kind of self control. I like to plan and prepare myself and Eric is the same way. Plus, I think finding out the gender means you get two fantastic surprises. The first one is when you find out the sex, and the second one is when you have them and get to see them for the first time! See how I already have my defense set up? It is because I got asked this question more than once during my first pregnancy, and at least twice during this pregnancy.

3. "You are going to breastfeed aren't you?"

As a matter of fact, I do plan to breastfeed again. But someone PLEASE tell me why the woman working behind the counter at Jiffy Lube needed to know that information? When I was pregnant with Addie, I took my car for an oil change and while I waited, the woman noticed I was pregnant and started asking me a bunch of random questions. But this was my favorite. She then proceeded to tell me about her sister's breastfeeding experience. I learned more about her sister's nipples than I even knew about my own. It was SO uncomfortable. Luckily, she wasn't as judgmental as some other ladies. When I told one woman that I would switch to formula if the baby didn't nurse well, she said "ALL babies can nurse...only lazy mothers resort to formula!" OUTRAGEOUS!! I then said "well I was raised on formula and my mother is the least lazy person I know." The woman shot me an uncomfortable smile and then turned away. I then shot her a satisfied smile and gave her the bird.

4. "Do you plan to get an epidural?"

This question by itself isn't offensive to me. It is an honest question and most woman say "if you are smart you will get one." But then there are a select few women out there who fully believe that epidurals are an easy way out. I am not disagreeing with these women in any way because everyone is entitled to the birth experience they feel most comfortable and satisfied with. Hell...even my mom said "I had all three of you kids without any drugs" and when I asked why, she just said "I didn't feel like I needed any." Sweet woman. She is so blocking out that experience. But regardless of my mom's confidence in a drug-free birth, I was certain that I wanted to be drugged out of my mind. But again, I don't judge women who want a natural birth and I was hoping other women wouldn't judge me for wanting lots of drugs. I didn't get too many rude comments, but I was asked (on more than one occasion) why I wasn't at least going to try to have a natural birth. They would say it just like that, "You aren't even going to try? Don't you want to know what it feels like?" My answer was always "Um...that's okay. I am sure I will feel enough."

5. "Oh...you plan to have another c-section?"

And speaking of not trying, many women feel the need to ask me why I am not going to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) this time around. They ask me why I wouldn't want to experience "real" childbirth. And you know...I take a lot of offense to that particular question. I believe that my first childbirth experience was as real as it gets. I felt labor (for 16 hours with a partially working epidural), I felt every second of my first 5 hours of contractions, I was fully awake and able to hear my baby's first cry AND I was able to look at her and kiss her seconds after she was born. Sure...it wasn't the childbirth experience I planned...but that didn't make it any less real to me. And what makes a childbirth experience real? No drugs? Blowing out your vagina instead of getting an incision? Being in labor for 30 hours vs 5? Going into labor naturally instead of having to be induced? I guess I don't understand how anyone can judge another woman's decision. Will I schedule a second c-section? Absolutely. I already have my date picked out. Will I try a VBAC if I go into labor on my own and start progressing quickly? Sure. I am absolutely not apposed to the idea. BUT...I believe that no matter how my second childbirth experience goes...it will be real. To me at least :-)

So there you go...the 5 pregnancy questions and/or comments that blow my mind. Am I leaving any off my list? Have any of you been asked any of these questions? Any of you guilty of asking these questions yourself?

13 comments:

  1. Love Love Love this post. My favorite is how after you have a baby, your boobs are fair game. I was waiting for my sister at the medical center and three women began to talk to me about my nipples in the middle of EVERYONE. It was NOT what I would call a great experience!

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  2. You forgot to mention the comment I heard that women having c-sections get tummy tucks at the same time! Get real!! End result is the same - no matter how they get out! Amen!!!!!

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  3. Oh, I forgot to mention - I DID block out the childbirth experience without drugs!! It was not fun. Back in the 80's they didn't give you anything until you were almost ready to push anyway! So why bother!!!

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  4. These are so true! I hated it when people touched my belly. Really? You wouldn't do that if I wans't pregnant!
    I was determined to have an all natural birth, but after 39 hours, I had a c-section. I do not feel the need to give that another go. Sign me up for the day when I come in with make-up on and my nails done.

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  5. hey, jen, the next time someone gives you crap about wanting drugs, ask her if she'd have her teeth pulled "naturally".
    i'm not anonymous, this is Lynne, but i can't remember my google ID. doofus.

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  6. One of my fav inappropriate questions from total strangers was, "Oh, was the baby planned or an accident?"

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  7. Haha! This is great, Jen! I got asked these same questions, too (not the VBAC one, but everything else). And the first thing my sister and another friend said to me after we announced the news was, "Was it planned?!?" in a tone of disbelief. I was like, what??

    My favorite story is from when I was shopping in a grocery store at about 34 weeks prego. A middle-aged guy stopped me and asked when I was due. When I told him, he said, "Gosh, you're huge. My sister is due in two days and you look way bigger than she does." What the...???? Actually, I thought it was really funny because I liked my prego belly and loved wearing cute maternity clothes. But I couldn't believe that a total stranger would say that!!

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  8. What person in their right mind would think it is their business to say some of these things. I am not a mom, but one day I will be and if someone bugs me they better watch out! Ha! Happy weekend.

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  9. I am always surprised that people will say things like this. I hate that you get asked any of thees questions, but I think I hate the third question the most. Why? Because I hate hate hate when people turn a statement into a question. Like "You are going to do this right?" So they are judging you right away!

    I hope you don't get asked anymore ballsy questions from strangers!! :P

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  10. So true!!! I'm pregnant with my first and I have been floored by the questions people have asked me. It drives me crazy. Unless it's a close friend and just the two of us, I have never asked a pregnant lady these questions.

    While at my shower the other day, my husbands aunt (whom we only see maybe once a year) asked me while I was opening gifts in front of 40 people about my delivery and if I was going to go natural. I seriously looked at her and said I hadn't made up my mind and would not talk about it right now. It was so rude!!! Then she proceeded to lecture me on natural childbirth in front of the rest of the guest. Come to find out later she didn't choose natural childbirth for her two deliveries. People need to learn to keep their mouth shut.

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  11. love it! My defense mechanism for the VBAC question, the hospital I am delivering at does not allow them at all... it is too much of a liability risk.

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  12. I haven't had the chance to have these questions asked of me yet... However, the slimmest of gals... I am not. So, I get the lovely question of whether or not I am actually pregnant and how far along I am more than I'd like. So, at least you don't get those questions!!! :0)

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  13. Jen, that's hilarious! And I've been asked all but the VBAC one too! Oh, what I HATED the most was all the unsolicited advice! "You should do this" and "You should try that". It's like Hello! Don't people think we've already thought and decided about how we plan to do things with our children! Hopefully the second time around gets better!

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