Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Things We Say...But Don't Really Mean

I think it is safe to say that we are all guilty of this from time to time. When we are happy, sad, scared, frustrated, stressed, etc...we react out of emotion and say things that we don't always mean. Sometimes, we regret the things we say right away. For example, today I said...

"I wish cell phones were never invented"

I said this after my cell phone rang just as I was getting Blake to sleep. It had taken me almost half an hour of Addie's naptime to walk and rock him to sleep and just as my phone rang...his eyes popped right open. I know it's my own fault for not turning off the ringer, but still. I was frustrated. But then 10 minutes later, when Blake went back to sleep in my arms, I was able to surf the internet with one hand thanks to my trusty iPhone. I apologized immediately :-)

There are also things we say that even though we always immediately regret them, we say them repeatedly. One such example is...

"Howie...that's it. I am finding you a new home"

I probably threaten poor Howie once a day. After he eats a cheese stick right out of Addie's hand, after he rips open another bag of garbage, after he barks like a maniac at the UPS guy and wakes up the kids...the list goes on and on. But as soon as the words come out of my mouth, and I see the poor bugger go running off to living room...I immediately regret what I said. So...I always tell him I'm sorry and give his belly a little scratch. But before I even have enough time to reflect on all the things I love about that little guy, he is in our closet eating a pair of underwear.

And finally...there are the things we say that we don't regret immediately because at the moment we say them, we are overcome with whatever emotion we are feeling at the time. But later, when the moment has passed and the threat, or promise, or wish we made comes true...we realize just how much we didn't mean what we said. Here is my example of this.

The other night, while Eric and I were lying in bed, I was telling him about the loooooooong day I had with the kids. I told him about how I hadn't sat down all day because someone always needed something. Blake needed to be fed, Addie needed me to play dollies with her, Howie needed to go outside, etc. I said...

"I just get so tired of everyone needing me all the time!"

Please take in mind that I was hungry, un-showered and completely sleep deprived when I said this. But I did mean it at the time. I was tired of not having a minute to myself. I was tired of having kids and dogs hanging off me every second of the day and not having even 5 minutes to go to the bathroom alone. I know every mom has felt this way at some point and I am sure many of you have even spoken these exact words. But what I want to know is...when did you regret saying it?

For me, it was today. My mom was over in the morning helping me work with Addie on her potty training. Addie ended up going pee pee on the potty TWO times yesterday and TWO times today!!! That is a huge success and I am SO proud of her. But the problem is, she will only go for my mom. She wants nothing to do with me. Even when I tried to walk her into the bathroom today while my mom was over, she just yelled "Out Mama! Out Peass!" And what started as just a preference for Nana in the bathroom, turned into a preference for her in general. When my mom went to leave, Addie started putting on her coat. She turned around and said "Bye Bye Mama. See ya". Absolutely heart-breaking.

But at the same time, I LOVE that Addie is so attached to my mom. I am so lucky to have her around as much as I do and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. I was just a little sad that my baby girl wanted nothing to do with me today :-( But then I got over it because I still had Mr. Blake. He literally NEEDS me to eat and sleep so if Addie wanted Nana today...that was fine. I could spend some time with Blake. Sadly...my little guy is all stuffed up and not feeling the best. He has been pretty fussy and I've had a hard time getting him to nap. So when Eric came home and Blake had been crying for over 20 minutes, I gladly handed him over so I could change my shirt. When I went into the bedroom, I noticed that the crying had stopped. And when I walked out, I saw Blake in Eric's arms with a HUGE smile on his face. Again...absolutely heart-breaking.

At that point I turned to Howie for a little love, but he was still pissed at me from my latest threat...and for choosing him third once again :-( So he was out too. No one needed mama today. No one wanted mama today. I honestly thought this was what I wanted. Addie was with Nana, Blake was perfectly content with Daddy, Howie was eating his Dingo in the kitchen...all my children were occupied and I was free to go to the bathroom alone. Or take a shower alone. Or drink a cup of coffee alonw. Whatever I wanted to do! But instead of taking advantage of that time...I cried. I cried big crocodile tears and said to Eric...

"I don't care if the kids hang off me all day tomorrow...I just want them to need me again!"

Anyone want to guess how long it will take me to realize I didn't mean that comment?

7 comments:

  1. Jen I can totally relate! I went to a baby shower today, without Emma although she was invited (could you imagine how that would go?!) and although I'd been looking forward to it all day long, I missed her almost instantly when I left. It was like a piece of me was gone. She fell asleep on Justin (he sent me texts) and I just couldn't wait to get home and see her. She didn't want me right away, she wanted Daddy. :( But eventually all she wanted me to do was hold her and I loved it. Not being around here for those 4 hours though, makes me want to have a special day with her tomorrow. I know there won't be many one on one days left, when Sam arrives, so I feel like I need to get them in all at once.

    -Heather

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  2. Don't feel bad - you did it to me when you were little. I would pick you up from Grammy's house and would cry because you didn't want to leave. Your kids will always need you! You are 29 and you STILL need me!!! Love you!!!

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  3. What your mom said is totally true... we still need our mommies! When ever I feel like I'm going to throw up, or just sick in general I ALWAYS want my mom first! Whenever something pisses me of or hurts my feelings I always want to call my mom in tears... you'll never be replaced Mama Jen! You will always have a special place in your cuties' hearts & lives. :) oh, and Mr. Howard better lay off the undies! Yowza!

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  4. I threaten our cat and dog daily and they are still here, LOL.

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  5. it's all completely normal, jen. i remember throwing myself across the bed sobbing because, and i quote myself, "all i ever wanted was these beautiful babies and now all i want is to be alone!"

    completely normal. and i was not in the bathroom alone from 1980-1990.

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  6. Speaking of being in the bathroom alone Lynne? I remember when Jen, Ryan and Adam were 5, 4 and 3 respectively and Jen asked if she could talk to me while I was taking a bath! I said "sure Honey". I ran the tub, got my robe ready and when I went back to the bathroom, Jen had pulled in chairs from her little table for all three to sit and WATCH me!!! That was it - OUT!!!

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  7. LMAO. yes, i do remember. i also remember adam wallpapering the bathroom with lady products. he he

    and now i've got lily and there is no way i'm telling you the insulting things she's said to me in the bathroom! she is no longer allowed in while mimi is bathing. :)

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