Monday, April 12, 2010

Reconnecting

It's no secret that I am a HUGE fan of Tori & Dean. What I love best about the two of them is their honesty when it comes to family and relationships. They don't try to pretend like everything is perfect all the time, and that is sort of refreshing to see because I don't believe that any real relationship is perfect all the time. But if you love someone...and I mean truly love someone...you can't fake that.


The tabloids have really been slamming Tori and Dean's relationship lately by throwing around titles like "In it For the Money" and "A Loveless Marriage". I am sure it doesn't help the Dean's ex has written a tell-all book claiming that Dean only hooked up with Tori to advance his career. And while I don't necessarily believe that statement, I don't blame his ex for wanting to ruin his life and his new marriage. If Eric ever left me for a Hollywood celebrity and then started up a reality show to document how truly fabulous his new life is, I would do a lot worse than write a nasty book. Seriously...shit would go down.

But if you really want to know my honest opinion, I think that Tori and Dean are just going through what every couple goes through when they have two little babies running around. In the middle of trying to balance family, work, a house, responsibilities, etc...you sometimes lose that connection you once had with your partner. Its not gone completely, and there are brief moments when you can spark the fire, but overall...things are very different. You don't have time for each other like you use to. You also don't have time for your friends or your hobbies and when there is time for either of these things, you feel guilty for not spending it with your family. Its no secret...this new life, although very rewarding, is tough on your relationship.

The solution to all this seems pretty simple: make more time for your husband or wife. But how do you do that? How do you find time to reconnect when you barely have time to shower every day? It looks like this new season of Tori & Dean is going to be all about finding the answer to that question. Judging by the previews, it looks like it's going to be a very dramatic season. But I really do look forward to watching it, especially since I find myself in a similar position sometimes.

Now don't get me wrong...Eric and I are not "In it For the Money" and this certainly isn't "A Loveless Marriage". We love each other very much and we know we are in this for the long haul. But I do think it has been entirely too long since we went out to dinner alone, had a few drinks, laughed, talked and just...well...reconnected.

Now, I know we are certainly not the only couple out there that feels this way. I know some of my girlfriends and I talk about this on a regular basis. But what are we doing about it? We talk, and talk, and talk...but still don't take any action. So...I told Eric tonight that I AM taking action. I want us to have at least one date night a month. I don't care if we go out, or stay in, but the stipulation is that we have to be together. Alone. No kids. No phones. No computer. No interruptions. Just us. And this is just the beginning. I still want to figure out other ways to bring back the spark in our relationship...but I don't know where else to start.

So that's where all of you come in!!! I would love to hear what all of you do to reconnect with your partner. Do you have special date nights? Do you leave each other sweet notes or write love letters? Do you do little things for each other for no reason? I know one thing Eric loves is when I pack him his lunch and slip a little picture or note in his lunch box. It is something so small, but he always appreciates it :-) So...share away friends!! I would love to hear your relationship advice :-)

10 comments:

  1. I'll babysit once a month for your date night if you can get Blake to take a bottle!!!!!

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  2. Hey Jen! First, I love reading your blog!! About reconnecting...hubby and I have also have 2 kiddos..6 and 2! It was and still is very hard to find that time...but he's very good at letting me know how important I am to him and the family..one thing we like to do is light some candles and break out a bottle of wine...with no kids! We just talk..about anything..that's nice...also for us..sending emails...nothing special...but just to say I love you or Hope your having a good day...something like that...my hubby is in the military so email communication for us is so important! I think if you just take a minute everyday to let them know how important they are...that is what truely matters! Sorry this turned into a novel!!

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  3. so important to do. even WITHOUT kids, rob and i have to make a conscious effort to take time for us. work & life get in the way, but you need to remember what's most important. we do date night once a week, but aren't very good about just focusing on US during that time. we still check blackberries, etc. this is a great reminder that to reconnect, you need to remove distractions!! :)

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  4. Jen- It seems like you and I are in sync yet again. Not only are we both potty-training, juggling our infants, and trying to meet our own personal goals, but we are both thinking about how to reconnect with our spouse. I love your idea of date night, I've said it but haven't followed through. It just is so difficult to actually get a sitter, or ask my family for even more support. I don't think if we stayed home it would work though since we are both just so set in our routines, and it's hard to relax when there are a million chores staring you in the face. We did go out last month with my brother and his wife and we had a great time. I am look forward however to a night out solo! Let us know how date night goes

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  5. I love Tori and Dean!!

    That is such a great picture of you two!

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  6. I love it. I completely agree. I've worried about having kids because I know that this happens to people. I'm just not sure I'm strong enough to handle it right now.

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  7. 1. Love love Tori and Dean, can't wait to watch last nights episode
    2. I am feeling the exact same way with an 8 week old in the house and 3. you look adorable in that picture!

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  8. Living out here in Minot we have limitations with babysitters so we often rent movies, order in and have wine after Sophie's in bed. We finally went to dinner this past weekend after 4 long months of no outside dates and we had such a great time! It really took us back to when we first started dating. Sending texts or leaving little notes on the counter before he leaves for work and flowers for no reason are ways we try to stay connected.

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  9. I love tori and dean!!! i hope they work things out because i love their relationship! (but honestly ... nice to know they r human!!!)

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  10. I love Tori and Dean too!!
    My hubby and I have a 2 year old and one on the way so I know all too well about not spending much time with him! We are very fortunate that his mother takes her overnight every Saturday to not only spend time with her but to also give us a break for the night. I will admit, the majority of the time we are in bed by 10 watching TV or a movie, but its just the fact that we are together with no interruptions and no little one climbing in bed with us during the night that is great!

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