Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Calling All Screaming Banshees

About 5 years ago, my mom and I discovered the free e-cards at Hallmark.com. We would send them to each other at work ALL the time and our favorite character was the "Screaming Banshee". If you have never seen one of the Screaming Banshee e-cards, you HAVE to check them out here.

Anyway, the reason we fell in love with the banshee was because she reminded us of...well...us! I mean...just look at her! She's a crazy, disheveled, disorganized, emotional, totally adorable, hot mess.

Anyway, whenever I am having "one of those days", I always think of banshee. I am pretty sure I looked just like her today, running around the house screaming with my hair all crazy. I wasn't really screaming at anyone (okay...maybe a few times). I was mostly just screaming out of frustration at myself.

You see...no matter how I may come across on this blog or in real life, I do try VERY hard to be an organized, calm, level-headed woman that has her shit together. The problem is...I can't seem to ever get there. I honestly think this has a lot to do with being a mom, although I won't pretend like I always had my shit together as a single 24-year-old either :-)

I guess I could learn to be okay with the disorganization, but the lack of calm and level-headedness I feel all the time lately is what has me screaming. I have never been more anxious in all my life. And it's not just about any one thing in particular. Sure, I have had a lot of anxiety regarding Addie's health situation, but that is normal anxiety in my opinion. The anxiety that has me really questioning my sanity is the anxiety I feel about having a looming house project, or a messy basement, or a dirty kitchen floor, or a boring blog post, etc. These things are SO NOT IMPORTANT in the grand scheme of things, but they still keep me up at night. And the problem is, I am already up at night worrying about things that are important, like my family's health, our finances, etc. So what is a worrier to do?

I blame my mother and my grandmother for this worry gene. I suppose I could turn to them for help and advice but just today, my Grandma admitted that she still lies in bed at night thinking about her kids...and their kids...and their kid's kids...etc. She said she has it worse now because there are so many of us to worry about. Great...something to look forward to :-)

Anyway, I suppose the reason I am posting about this tonight is to get some help. Are there any other screaming banshees out there? Any other crazy worriers who stay up all night googling health symptoms and reorganizing their bathrooms? Do you think I need to see someone about this? Or possibly take something for this? My mom has told me (on more than one occasion) that I need to "be on medication". HA! I suppose at this point, I am open to any suggestions on how to stop worrying all the time...even if that suggestion has something to do with a bottle of wine and a bag of Chips Ahoy :-)

9 comments:

  1. I have to take full blame for the "worry gene" because you did inherit it from Grams and I. The obsession over a clean house is another thing. As you see from both of our homes, that is one thing Grams and I don't worry about!!!! My suggestion is a relaxing hobby (re-doing a room is not relaxing). You need to take up sewing or knitting or crocheting to help you find some relaxation. If you just tried it I know you would be hooked!! And let go of worrying about a clean house. Also, delete your link to WebMD!!!!

    Love ya,
    Mamacita

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  2. My friend, I also have the "worry gene." While I don't obsess over a clean house, I do worry about Isaac, my kids at school, my work, money, blah blah blah. I have tried reading, but that doesn't really work for me because I find that I don't understand what I am reading and I have to re read it about 100 times. Sometimes, I listen to music, and just try to "veg". Sometimes, I watch a sad movie on purpose, so I can cry and get it all out. LOTS of times, I read other people's blog's and try to remember that EVERYONE our age worries about these things, and sometimes people have it ALOT worse off than us...And when all else fails, I go down stairs and DOWN a glass of a wine. :-) Hang in there friend.

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  3. I know you will find this hard to believe, but I used to agonize too. I just kept telling myself "Eh, whatever" Eventually it works. I swear! That and at a very young age, my mom forced me to learn the Serenity Prayer. You should try it...And if that doesn't work, you can always go for the "alternative" Serentiy Prayer. Shall I verse you on them both????

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  4. I do not share the "worry gene" exactly... I don't tend to worry unrealistically about family/friend's health, finances, etc. My MIL has that gene and she gave it to my husband. *gee thanks* She stays up all hours of the night worrying about the most seemingly stupid things. Obviously they are not stupid to her! She has health problems that she stays very tight lipped about which I know she takes most of the burdon of herself worrying all the time, they own the family business so that is always worrysome, she hates the politics and cliques at her own job and then you know how family issues can worry someone as well! I can't imagine how many sleepless nights that has caused her.

    While I don't worry like that, I do have anxiety about other situations which is kind of odd. I also get anxiety when my house is out of control. I am not a neat freak (wish I were!) but a messy house, no groceries, unpaid bills, laundry piles and an UNHELPFUL Hubs stress me out. I have been known to stay up until 3am vacuuming or paying bills or just doing SOMETHING to feel like I have accomplished something.

    The other thing I have big time anxiety over is relationships/conversations/confrontations. I have conversations in my head (or out loud... *gasp*!) with people so I can go over what I will say, what they will say, what I will say in return, etc. It really sounds crazy now that I'm typing it out. Nine times of ten, this type of thing happens when I am needing to have a conversation with someone that I'm not looking forward to or someone has pissed me off in a big way and I didn't respond the way I wished I had, etc. While I think it does help me in the long run if I really do end up having these conversations with people, it drives me crazy meanwhile. I can toss and turn for hours with it or often I just am sidetracked throughout the day being a space case... which has its own hazards! LOL! Sometimes though, things that I am looking forward to or that are good things will give me anxiety also. For instance, just this last week I didn't sleep for shit one night because I was having anxiety over coming to IL! LOL! I kept having conversations in my head (will they think I'm fat? Will they not like me because I'm fat? What if I get there and they don't like me? How long should I stay? Where will I stay? What if I haven't finished the c25k program by the time I'm supposed to go? Will Jen think I'm a failure?) Seriously, this sounds out of control when I type it all out but... TRUE STORY! HAHA!

    So, now that I've given you WAY too much info to be posted as a comment on your blog... you can HOPEFULLY see that we're all a little nutty in our own way. I think some amount of anxiety is normal, however too much is definitely not and talking to a professional could really help. I know I get my anxiety from my mom and her side of the family as anxiety and depression is VERY prevelent in our family. I think you have to ask the questions of yourself like "is my anxiety keeping me from doing things I love? Is it keeping me from being productive in my daily life?" Things like that. I won't be shy, it probably wouldn't hurt to at least have a conversation with your Doc about it.

    OK! I'm done! Finally! SHEESH! :0)

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  5. Chelsi...first off...ARE YOU COMING HERE??? For real? OMG I am so excited to meet you! I think I just invited myself to tag along...sorry Jen!

    I will make you a blueberry pie!

    And also Chelsi, you are sooo not alone with those convo's in your head or in your case out loud. :) I do the exact same thing! It always helps to be prepared!

    NO ONE here would ever think you are fat! Geesh! We will all just be so damn excited to finally meet you and nothing else will matter!

    You can rest easy sista!

    Yipppeeeee!

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  6. Chelsi, now you MUST come to Chicago. You've gotten us all too excited now!!!

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  7. Jen, Celexa. Celexa is the answer to curing worry... It has really calmed down my worry wart self and I do not feel weird either. Talk to your doc or ob about it. It is a godsend, my husband was starting to think I was nuts or just driving him nuts as I would wake him up and tell him what I was worrying about! And a glass of pino grigio has never hurt :) Love your blog girl!

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  8. In a lot of words: If it isn't going to change your life, let it go.
    In one word: Xanax

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  9. Thanks so much for your comments ladies. You are all so thoughtful and I really appreciate the advice. I think I may just chat with my doc sometime soon because really...the worrying gets a bit out of control. Celexa and Xanax...I will be sure to ask about those as well. Oh, and a little Pino is right up my alley Lauren :-)

    Chelsi...If you don't stop that fat talk, I will fly to Washington to kick your butt :-) I think you know us well enough by now to know that we are SO not like that. As you can see, we all have our own issues to worry about. Hahahaha!!!!

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