About 5 years ago, my mom and I discovered the free e-cards at Hallmark.com. We would send them to each other at work ALL the time and our favorite character was the "Screaming Banshee". If you have never seen one of the Screaming Banshee e-cards, you HAVE to check them out here.
Anyway, the reason we fell in love with the banshee was because she reminded us of...well...us! I mean...just look at her! She's a crazy, disheveled, disorganized, emotional, totally adorable, hot mess.
Anyway, whenever I am having "one of those days", I always think of banshee. I am pretty sure I looked just like her today, running around the house screaming with my hair all crazy. I wasn't really screaming at anyone (okay...maybe a few times). I was mostly just screaming out of frustration at myself.
You see...no matter how I may come across on this blog or in real life, I do try VERY hard to be an organized, calm, level-headed woman that has her shit together. The problem is...I can't seem to ever get there. I honestly think this has a lot to do with being a mom, although I won't pretend like I always had my shit together as a single 24-year-old either :-)
I guess I could learn to be okay with the disorganization, but the lack of calm and level-headedness I feel all the time lately is what has me screaming. I have never been more anxious in all my life. And it's not just about any one thing in particular. Sure, I have had a lot of anxiety regarding Addie's health situation, but that is normal anxiety in my opinion. The anxiety that has me really questioning my sanity is the anxiety I feel about having a looming house project, or a messy basement, or a dirty kitchen floor, or a boring blog post, etc. These things are SO NOT IMPORTANT in the grand scheme of things, but they still keep me up at night. And the problem is, I am already up at night worrying about things that are important, like my family's health, our finances, etc. So what is a worrier to do?
I blame my mother and my grandmother for this worry gene. I suppose I could turn to them for help and advice but just today, my Grandma admitted that she still lies in bed at night thinking about her kids...and their kids...and their kid's kids...etc. She said she has it worse now because there are so many of us to worry about. Great...something to look forward to :-)
Anyway, I suppose the reason I am posting about this tonight is to get some help. Are there any other screaming banshees out there? Any other crazy worriers who stay up all night googling health symptoms and reorganizing their bathrooms? Do you think I need to see someone about this? Or possibly take something for this? My mom has told me (on more than one occasion) that I need to "be on medication". HA! I suppose at this point, I am open to any suggestions on how to stop worrying all the time...even if that suggestion has something to do with a bottle of wine and a bag of Chips Ahoy :-)