Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Question on Everyone's Mind

With Blake's first birthday approaching, a lot of my friends and family have been asking the same question. Can you guess what it is????

I'm sure you can. We all know that when my babies turn one, I get baby fever. And I am not going to lie and say that I don't have it a little. I mean...how could I not when I look at pictures like this...


and this...


Or when Blake flashes me that sweet little smile or when Addie says, "I wuv you SO much mommy!" Really...how could I possibly not want another baby, or at least be open to the idea with kids as cute as these?

When I had Addie, there wasn't a question in my mind that I wanted another baby. I practically left the hospital ready for another. And since I always said I wanted 3 children, I thought I would feel the same way after having Blake. But I just...don't.

I believe this has a lot to do with the amount of time, energy, love, attention, PATIENCE and money it requires to have more than one child. I know some incredible mothers who find balance with 3, 4 even 5 children. I look at them in total amazement. I wonder where they find the energy. Where they find the time. Where they find the SLEEP. But all of these mothers tell me the same thing...you just find it. You figure it out. And I know I would figure it out too if we were ever blessed with another child. BUT...that doesn't mean Eric and I are going to actively try for one right now.

I think it is really hard for me to think clearly at this point anyway because it has literally been 11 months, 1 week and 3 days since I had a full nights sleep. SERIOUSLY. My kids are not sleepers. And if you take into consideration that I was pregnant with Addie for 9 months, breastfed her for a year, got pregnant with Blake and breastfed him for a year...it has literally been over 3 years since I have been able to take cold medicine, or have more than one glass of wine or not watch what I eat. I have been pregnant or nursing since 2007 and that is a LONG TIME!! So I guess that is why I feel the way I do about another baby. I need my body back for a while before I can think clearly :-)

But even then, I wonder if I will still feel complete the way I do now. When I look at Addie and Blake...I feel like I have my family. I don't feel like I am missing anything or anyone. And maybe that is because I feel so blessed to have these two beautiful babies that I almost feel selfish for wanting anything more. Does that sound silly?

It seems I am talking in circles now so I will just end this post with a very simple answer. No...Eric and I are not planning to add to our family right now. Only God knows how many children we will end up having in the end but for now, it's just the 4 of us and I couldn't be happier :-)

5 comments:

  1. Wow your a brave woman, I have a 3 month old and already wonder what it feels like to have my body back again, not so much the being preggo part, but the up at night, & watching what Im eating part

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  2. Wow. 3 years is a long time to go without doing what you want with your body. I didn't nurse for that long so I've had mine back for quite awhile.

    You are a very dedicated mama and I admire you! Your two kiddos are very lucky to have you and your love for them is abundantly clear. What a wonderful place to be to feel 'complete' with your family. Another thing I admire you for.

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  3. Such a great post! As you know I am in the middle of baby fever right now and was just wondering if you feel like this every time your baby is close to one...and then end up with 100 kids :) Its nice to know that eventually you stop, breathe, and enjoy! Happy Holidays Jen!

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  4. Any number is magical so long as it's YOUR number and you are happy!

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  5. I totally understand how you feel. I know i want a second, but i can't even imagine 3. Scares me to death! Haha.

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