Thursday, March 24, 2011

Baby Pressure

I've been feeling some baby pressure lately. Not necessarily the pressure to have another baby, but rather the pressure to say I am "officially" done having babies. Most of this pressure is coming from my darling husband, who informed me the other day that he got the name of a great doctor that has "snipped" a few of his friends and work buddies. Eric has been making a lot of jokes lately about getting snipped, especially when we have a bad day with the kids. He will just look over at me and make a scissor gesture with his hands. I never took him seriously, because it seems so soon to make such a big decision. I know it isn't a final decision, because these things can be reversed. But it isn't as easy as flipping a switch.

There is a part of me that wants to say, "Go ahead babe. Make the appointment." After all, it would be kind of nice to not be responsible for birth control anymore. And I have said many times that I feel complete with our family. I feel blessed BEYOND BELIEF to have two beautiful, healthy children. We have our boy, we have our girl and we have our chubby little three-legged doggie. We have everything we ever wanted. So why mess with a good thing?

But you see...as soon as I say it out loud (or write it all down) I have visions of this...


And this...


And this...


And I think "WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!" I'm not ready.

But will I ever be ready? Sure...at some point when my kids are grown and Eric and I are getting some of our freedom and Independence back I'll realize there is no turning back. But we are so young and the opportunity is still there so it's hard to bite the bullet and say okay...that's it. No more pregnancies. No more babies. It's just the 4 of us.

I am in the middle of planning my SIL's baby shower and I look at all these teeny tiny onesies and my uterus aches. But then I show them to Eric with my big Bambi eyes and say, "Doesn't this give you baby fever?" and he says, "Nope. I have sleeping-through-the-night-again fever and no-more-changing-diapers fever." He's just not where I am. He is not second guessing anything. He is complete. He has no doubts. He is happy and ready to move on. But I'm just...scared. Scared to say it. Scared to make a big decision. And the answer should be simple...let's just wait on the snip. But Eric is serious and wants the security. So how do we compromise?

Is anyone else out there where I am? Feeling blessed and complete with your family, but not sure you want to call it quits yet? I just don't know how I can feel TOTALLY done some days, and completely confused the next. Will it ever go away? Or is it like college. You miss it all the time and wish you could go back for a day, but you never will because the past is the past? I know there is no right answer here...but the pressure is a lot to take and I am just searching for peace in my decision one way or the other. If that is even possible. I guess I am lucky in the sense that I have lots of new babies arriving soon that I can cuddle and spoil when I need a fix. Look out baby Mueller, you are going to see a LOT of your Aunt Jen :-)

8 comments:

  1. We are in the same place...we have our 7 year old son and our 3 year old daughter...I still get baby fever..and hubby is done..no questions asked..so we have put it on hold for a while..but in our hearts we know we are done..for me..it's taken longer..and I would love to have more..but I feel I shouldn't have to "talk him into" having another child..so with that being said..I think time is the best solution..and talk openly about it with him..that way all thoughts and feelings from both are out on the table..then you can make a decision..thank you for writing this by the way..it's comforting to know that other couples are in the same boat...

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  2. Girl, my second is still in my belly and I'm telling my husband we are done. It's the reverse for us..I know I will feel our family is complete when Julia arrives but he could go on having about 5 more kids.

    I would love to never have to worry about bc again!

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  3. I feel that way a lot! I hate the idea that my child will never have a sibling and may end up with "only child syndrome" because of me. However, I'm almost 40. And I am finding that the urge is diminishing as Alexander grows older. I'm not convinced my baby fever will ever go away, though. But I'm learning to live with it. I hope you can find the place where you can live with it, too. Even if it takes a long, long time.

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  4. I totally feel the same way! I am completely happy with my healthy boy and healthy girl and I feel (many days) that I want to be done. But then I think about it and think, "well maybe just one more"? I'm just not a fan of the newborn stage so it's tough!:)

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  5. I'm kinda in the same spot but in a different way. We know we want at least one more but I'm not sure when. So many of our friends are having their second and third babies and we're just not yet and it's hard to see my friends preggers without me!

    Not sure if this will help, but you'll know when the time is right to make "the decision". Maybe right now isn't the time to make that choice and that's okay. Take your time if you can. I know it'll be a hard decision for me when we get there.

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  6. We were in the same position right after our second daughter was born. I wasn't sure I was done but my husband was certain he didn't want anymore. He went and got snipped soon after she was born and to be honest I wasn't happy about it at all at first. However, as time went on and Mia my second was potty trained and in a big girl bed I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. They are now 3 and 5 and even though I still somedays think it would be nice to have another I think wow going back would be so hard! As the kids get older it gets to make this decision I think! Hope this helped

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  7. Oh my gosh! I feel exactly like you do now. My husband joked after our daughter's delivery (in the hospital room no less) that he was getting a vascetomy. Nice right. In my heart I know we are done but sometimes I see a little baby and go "Honey one more?" and I get the look.

    Plus I have a history of preterm birth and am labeled high-risk and it is a lot of work and we have no more room for babies in our house. I know the feeling well and just need friends and family around me to have babies now!

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  8. It never gets easier. I knew as soon as I had my 3rd that I wanted to try for another. My husband only wanted 1 so he's already been past the point of wanting anymore babies. But unlike most he is willing to give it a go if its what makes me happy.
    I think no matter what you will always have that feeling that you want more. It may get easier as your little ones get bigger but then you will be reminded again when you hold a brand new baby what it is that you miss so much.

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