Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Dancing in Uncertainty

For those of you who are new to this blog, you may not know that I come from a pretty large family. My Dad is one of 13 children. Can you even IMAGINE being pregnant 13 times?

And almost all of those children went on to have 2, 3, 4 even 5 children of their own. Fertility never seemed to be an issue in our family. There were babies and pregnant bellies every time you turned around. 

So when my cousins and I were kids, we didn't question our ability to have big families of our own some day. We dreamed of being brides (and since we were all in so many weddings, we had a lot of practice. Ha!) 

{My cousin Suzy (top left corner) who is one of my most loyal blog readers, My cousin Diane (bottom left corner) who is equally loyal, and Me (bottom row, second from the right)}

And when we weren't playing "bride" or "teacher", we were playing "mommy" with our cabbage patch dolls. That's just how life goes right? You become a teacher (and about 70% of my cousins did), you become a bride and then you become a mommy. But what happens when life doesn't work out like that? What happens when you don't meet the right partner right away? What happens when your dreams of becoming a parent don't work out the way you planned?

This has become a harsh reality for so many people I love and care about. The word "Infertility" haunts me and I sometimes wish I were a billionaire just so I could help all of these friends and family members with anything they needed from testing and treatments to adoption costs. I realize that all I can do every day is pray, trust in God and be there for them when they need me. They are "dancing in uncertainty" every day and as someone who was blessed with two beautiful children, I can only begin to imagine what that must be like. But if there is one thing I have learned from all these amazing women in my life is that you don't have to have the perfect thing to say. You don't have to tip-toe around the issue. You can skip all the, "It will happen one day" words of encouragement, or "Try not to think about it" comments. The one thing you can do for them is listen. Listen to their stories. Hear their frustrations. Comfort them with hugs and a shoulder to cry on if they need it. Let them share their journey with you and just be there to witness it and celebrate when the time comes. And of course, be grateful for your blessings :-)

I really have learned so much from my sister-in-law Di, my cousin Diane and all of the other amazing ladies who are dancing this dance. I always appreciate when one of them is willing to share their story and I know all of you have been to Di's blog to hear hers, but now you have the amazing opportunity to be a part of another great journey. My cousin Diane has just started her own blog, with the beautifully appropriate title, Dancing in Uncertainty

But please don't be fooled by the title. Although this blog will document Diane and Bill's journey to parenthood, it will also be a great place to talk about couponing, scrapbooking, dancing and fitness, and all the other things I personally love so much. So please, if you all have time today, head on over to Diane's blog and leave her a comment! It's always nice to see some friendly faces when you are the new kid on the block.

Welcome to blogland Diane! I am so happy you are finally here :-) Love you bunches!!


  1. Very nice Jen! I think you have a wonderful approach and you know I for one appreciate not tip-toeing or using those cliche phrases. Sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade and be direct. Which you have done, and I love you for it.

    And you mentioned that word, that evil word that I would have stricken from the human vocabulary if I could...infertility. I hate that word! (not your fault, just my head talking here) It alawys made me feel like a failure, like I couldn't accomplich something. Well PHOOEY! I can accomplish anything really. I'm just challenged in the area of "Fertility". Me likey that better.

    I can't speak for Diane, but maybe she has had some of the same thoughts pass thru her mind also.

    But I do know this...she will greatly appreciate all the support, love and encouragement from those around her! Even if "we" can't always say or express ourselves just right, we know. And you should too that we are thankful for you all.

    Now...please go win that lotto so Diane and I can stop playing with Cabbage Patch Dolls!!!!! Do you have ANY idea how RIDICULOUS we look???


  2. Well thanks for making me cry! Don't worry, I was painting and listening to music earlier and that damned "call on me brother when you need a hand" song made me cry! Wth is up with that?! "Infertile" woman being a hot mess? Nah, never! And yes the infertile word is the devil.

    You're a great supporter Jen. That's all you can do! You're absolutely right in saying that the cliche phrases are just not helpful. People don't know what to say in awkward conversations and this is one of them! A simple "sorry you're having to go.through this" is better than "stop thinking about it!"

    And might I add... While I know it isn't WORSE to be in your shoes, it sure isn't easy either. Having what many around you can't have is a difficult juggling act. There are plenty of people that aren't mindful of their blessings but thats not you, Jen. It is obvious that you genuinely want what you have for those of us that are "dancing". Love ya girl!

  3. Jen- What a great introduction and I love that you were very honest with everything! You have been such a great supporter and I agree with Di that the love, support, and encouragement we receive from others can help someone through ANY situation. I am grateful for everyone in my life and hope that I can be as encouraging to everyone I meet as well- cause we never know what someone else might be going through! I also am glad that you listed the other things that I plan on writing about. While the adoption is the biggest thing going on in our lives right now, our challenge is not the only thing that defines who I am. I have lots of blessings in my life. I hope my blog can be a source of encouragement for those going through similar things but also that anyone can relate too.

  4. The three favorite ladies I was referring to in this post all commented :-) I've said it once and I will say it a thousand times more...you are all amazing. And strong, And patient. And I love you dearly. I will ALWAYS be here for ALL of you whenever you need me. And of course, I will keep praying and playing the lotto. Ha!


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